Decapodation
Ravenous | My Idea of Fast Food
“Before any story of cooking begins, crime is inevitable,” warns “Murder in the Kitchen,” a chapter of “The Alice B. Toklas Cook Book.”
Channeling Dashiell Hammett, Toklas chronicles in blood-curdling detail her first encounter with a live carp, which ended up “killed, assassinated, murdered in the first, second, and third degree.” Toklas, often described as steely by visitors to Gertrude Stein’s Paris salon, was apparently less formidable in the kitchen: “Limp, I fell into a chair, with my hands still unwashed reached for a cigarette, lighted it, and waited for the police to come and take me into custody.” (Unorthodox punctuation seems to have prevailed in the Stein-Toklas household.)
This image of Toklas, fresh from the slaughter and on the verge of fainting, flashed before my eyes when my local fishmonger asked whether I wanted my four wiggling-fresh Chesapeake Bay blue crabs, newly molted and tender, to be “cleaned” at the store or whether I wanted to do it myself at home.
Here is the procedure, according to Maryland’s Department of Natural Resources: “Dressing or cleaning a soft crab is a simple. … With a pair of scissors, cut off the mouth and face behind the eyes. Cut off the apron. Lift the top shell and snip out the lungs on each side. Run under cold water to clean. They are now ready to cook.” The euphemistic “cleaner” completes this task while the crabs are still alive. Bluntly put, it’s a vivisection.
If you are well acquainted with this technique and have, in fact, committed it, then you have more courage than I do.
My response, after the my vivid — albeit brief — visitation by Toklas, was a nervous giggle followed by a gutless “No, you do it.”
May I recommend that you do the same, if presented with this choice? The preparation of these beautiful, succulent sea creatures is a breeze thereafter.
Soaked in milk to plump, coated in flour seasoned with only salt and black pepper, then pan fried in butter and olive oil until golden, soft-shell crabs are my idea of fast food. (In the winter months, I get the same speedy satisfaction from confit duck legs sizzling in a pan. Opening up a can of soup couldn’t be easier.) I’ve read the soft-shell crab recipes that call for dashes of Tabasco in the milk, or a sprinkle of smoked Spanish paprika or Old Bay seasoning in the flour, but I think their sweetness is complemented best by simple ingredients. The butter, of course, will become a bit brown towards the end of cooking and lend an irresistible, toasted hazelnut flavor too.
A citrusy slaw of fresh fennel, green apples, pink grapefruit and fresh mint is a tart bright contrast to these beauties. A bit of freshly ground, toasted cumin gets on swimmingly with the lemon and grapefruit juice in the dressing, adding a bit of mystery to the otherwise straightforward, pristine march of flavors on the plate.
I think Toklas would approve, both of the dish itself and of my decision to leave the removal of face and lungs to a professional. After all, in the same chapter of her namesake cookbook, Toklas advises her readers that “food is far too pleasant to combine with horror.”
Pan-Fried Soft-Shell Crabs With Fennel and Green Apple Slaw ...
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