Bazooka DSL. and His Gang in "Naan But the Brave"


Bazooka DSL.: Get dressed, Testy - we're going out for Indian food tonight: aren't you excited?
 
Testy (putting down copy of The Loan Ranger and Taunteau Meet the Subprime Kid comic): Oh, boy, Joe, am I ever! You know how much I love heap big plates of corn, beans, squash, wild salmon, buffalo pemmican and c. 1621 heirloom strains of wild Pilgrim, all slathered in Land O' Lakes! Can I wear my headdress with the pink flamingo feathers and my snakeskin moccasins, bring my tommyhawk and paint my face purple like I did last time when they thought I needed the Heimlich?

Bazooka DSL.: Heh-heh-heh, been reading the funny papers again, I see. No, not the (imitates blaring 1950s-Hollywood Plains-Indian battle music, quieting unto war-drum coda) DA-da-DA-da-da-da...BUMpumpumpum-BUMpumpumpum kind of Indian food - the (in practiced, confidently-projected mid-American syrupy gladhanding timbre) THANK YOU FOR CALLING MICROPEENI TECH SUPPORT - MAY I HAVE YOUR FIRST NAME?...HI, TESTY, HOW MAY I HELP YOU TODAY? kind of Indian food.

Testy: (falls backward, grabs balls)

FORTUNE: CHICKEN MAKE THE BEST LIVERS, PIGS MAKE THE WURST.

HEY, KIDS! ENEMO THE CLOWN SAYS,

"ENTER DRAWING FOR FREE 'COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF' CLOTHING LINE FOR KIDS! BRAVE THE WINTER COLD WITH YOUR NEW GEORGE WASHINGTON LONGJOHNS MADE FROM REAL CHERRYWOOD - NEGOTIATE PLAYGROUND-BULLY SPHERES OF INFLUENCE JAUNTILY WITH YOUR FRANKLIN DELANO CANDY-CIGARETTE HOLDER CLENCHED BETWEEN YOUR CAVITIES - AND PLAY MINIATURE GOLF THE D-DAY WAY, BALD NO MORE, WITH YOUR COZY 'I LIKE IKE' COONSKIN CAP. SEND NAME, ADDRESS, PARENTS' USERNAMES/PASSWORDS AND NEXT YEAR'S PROJECTED PANTS SIZE TO:

ALL THE PRESIDENTS' MENSWEAR
DEPT OF WAR DROBE
BOX 4-F
IWANTMYMA, MA

In the event the White House dressing after your war of choice is out of the stocks, please declare, with the aid of a two-thirds majority vote of your family, an alternate war capable of serving in its place.

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