This week on Paper View: Charmin Billy

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                                        "It's time to get real [graphic] about what happens [when *I'm*] in the bathroom": that's
                                         why wherever I go, as it were, I wear burlap gloves saturated in vinegar, and after                            
                                         wiping with them over a dozen flushes, sprinkling Arm and Hammer on them each 
                                         time and vigorously shaking both gloved hands clean in each freshly carbonated bowl,    
                                         I'm good to go, so to speak, in thirty minutes or less, no space-age corrugated-
                                         cellulose blends required, just like Grandma used to wipe Grandpa. And I only eat 
                                         corn
                                                       ScottLahti 1 second ago

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